A LOVE SAGA

A TIME TO US

dibintangi Carmen Soo dan Jericho Rosales..
ada juga penampilan Awal Ashaari, zayna(KAMI),louisa Chong selain pelakon2 Filipina yg lain..
akan datang ke tv malaysia tahun ni..
penggambaran dijalankan di Malaysia dan Filipina
bahasa tagalog dan malaysia digunakan dlm drama ni tapi mostly tagalog la..
drama kerjasama Filipina-Malaysia ni dah habis tayang di Filipina dan dapat sambutan sangat hangat..rating drama ni sangat tinggi
Carmen Soo pun sekarang sangat famous di Filipina disebabkan drama ni..
chemistry between JERICHO dgn CARMEN dalam drama ni mmg superb..dikatakan Carmen Echo's second best couple on screen after couple Jericho-Kristine Hermosa(pangako sayo, sanay wala nang wakas)
drama ini ada macam2 intipati..ada cinta, aksi, rahsia yg disimpan, pengkhianatan...

WONDER BOYS..

THIS IS SERIOUSLY HILARIOUS..SINCE WHEN THE ROCKISH FT ISLAND ARE THE WONDER BOYS??
FT ISLAND BOYS cannot even dance..they usually failed terribly..mmg kayu sorg2..
but, whoa..ft boys nailed this songs which originally sung and danced by idol girls group,KARA..
FT BOYS danced and sang to 'SO HOT' and 'PRETTY GIRL'..
THESE BOYS ARE DORKS..HAHA
Hongki, his furry hat and ahjumma's look alike cloth give me headache..aigoo..stylist x buat kerja ker??horrible okayy
but hongki is still adorable as ever..pengsannn..
Ki is a total cutie..pure cuteness...
Jae Jin sangat kiyo.....haha..he dance really well..mmg dorky....suara Jin pun boleh tahan..he should sing more and more
tapi yg plg melerts adalah movement Binnie..haha..semxy binnie..huhu..i'll be missing him a lot..
Jong Hun seriously look like a girl!!!sangat cantik!!!
and aigoo..min hwan grows up..he's seems taller and cuter..me likey!!
goshhhh..FT ATTACK..dies....X_X
suka shirt kuning dorg...

isn't it too early??

new FT ISLAND member(PINK CIRCLE) replacing Won bin

last piece of memories..FT ISLAND last moment together with BINNIE
AT THEIR RECENT CONCERT

FT Island ada new line up baru..
one of trainee recruited and trained by F& C Company, Song Seung Hyun is joining FT ISLAND right after Won Bin left..
rasa baru saja Binnie umumkan dia keluar dari group, terus ada pengganti..
guess mmg dorg dah get ready dari awal and binnie mmg dah awal2 bagitau keinginan dia utk keluar dari group..
hope that the new line up will be as good as the old ones..
and hope FT 4 and still the best fren ever..
still supporting FT ISLAND..

FT ISLAND, HWAITING!!

GOODBYE BINNIE

it's really hard to say goodbye especially to those we love..
i'm sad BECAUSE of won bin
he decided to left FT ISLAND for good..
i was shock at first..i just assume that's a rumour afterall
but hell no, it's true that binnie is leaving t island..
i must be frank that i'm heartbroken with his decision
I'm honestly thinking that his departue had something to do with his dream to be a singer
won bin audition for FT ISLAND to be a singer
and it must hard for him to be the second vocal in the group..

he's not my fav in FT ISLAND
but FT ISLAND will never be same without him..
and to think that the boys are really close with each other
they stayED at the same house, eat together, breath the same air..
they are bestfriend for 7 years..gosh!!
won bin departue will be hard to accept..
but FT ISLAND MUST go on..
we, the PRIMADONNA will always supporting the boys..
with or without binnie..
wishing WON BIN the best of luck..he's a talented boy and i'm hoping that all his dream will come true..

FT ISLAND,HWAITING!!!

terdelete..geram

credit to somesai flickr photostream

sebelum ni kan ada gambar panda2 yg banyak kannn
wa..terdelete semua..
me geram then i just delete the post..
i'll just put some of my fav panda pic jerla....

kehilangan yang menyedihkann

hari ini, i'm offically x mempunyai hp lagi..
hp dah hilang dalam kejadian yg tragis..
being clumsy as usual, i misplace my phone..
and dgn realiti yg x de org malaysia yg jujur utk memulangkan hp ku,
oleh itu,sayonara la HP ku iteww..
wa..baru beli tau dah hilang..
masuk kali ni, dah 3 kali hp hilang...
mmg x ada jodoh kah dgn hp tu???
me sedih la..i use my own money tau beli that hp instead ketuk duit dr my dad..
tapi end up hilang pulak..
i'm so attached to the phone..
all my important contact no semua burn gitu jerrr..tidakssss..
all my precious fav songs pun x dah utk diselamatkannn..
paling benci bila hilang hp adalah kena find all the contact no balikk..
x suka..mencik!!

a suprise win..

result pilihanraya kampus UM dh diketahui..
to my suprise, pro mahasiswa(proksi pembangkang) win 8 out of 9 UMum seats..
pergerakan mahasiswa(proksi kerajaan) hanya menang 1 kerusi UMUM jer..
gosh..mmg ada turnover la...
result pilihanraya mmg dpt tahu lambat sangat..
ada banyak kali recount dibuat..mmg ramai la yg bertapa di DTC menunggu keputusan keseluruhannya..
but, still the end result still sama..

yay!!BEBAS as expected won at Law Faculty..and calon pergerakan mahasiswa kalah dgn memalukan.ada around 20-30 votes je utk dorg..poor fellas..
so sekarang, to form the so called 'cabinet',undi calon BEBAS amat penting..which sides yg dorg nak sebelahi..both pro mahasiswa and pergerakan mahasiswa won the same amount of faculty seats..19 seats for each..

whoever pun took in control, i just hope yg kebajikan dan hak2 mahasiswa/i yg menjadi keutamaan..they serve the student and student rights and welfare should be the number one priority afterall..jangan sibuk nak memuaskan hati sesetengah pihak..to have power does not mean fame..with power comes great responsibilities..
gagal laksanakan amanah dan mandat yang diberikan, menjawablah dengan Yg Maha Esa semasa hari perhitungan..

lega sikit..

i woke up today with smiles.. though i sleep at 5 am tadi..
for me, rasa mcm tido lewat is normal walaupun mmg x baik utk kesihatan..
i felt like a burden dh lifted off from my shoulders..
few weeks ni i rasa mcm too tired and to the point of wanting to cry but air mata x mau keluar..i can easily cry but lately..hurmmm..dunno what happened to me..

i dh jalankan my kewajipan utk mengundi td..agak awal la i turun mengundi td..x ada ramai org pun..walaupun today adalah hari pilihanraya kampus tapi x ada cuti punn..so lectures and tutorial still on..
malas betul tadi..x ramai pun org attend lecture..and i was dozzing off in ms yong's land law lecture..
land law at noon=kemengantukan yg melampau yg x boleh dihalang..gosh..land law is so dry and it's nothing to do with ms yong ways of lecturing..

and this evening after class habis, i can actually menidurkan diri without have to worry about what will i do next..kalau x, kenala set alarm berkali2 utk membangunkan diri utk attend 'aktiviti2' kolej...

i can't wait for the chinese new year holiday..yay!!one week of no classes are pure satisfaction..hehe..

not to forget, i watched stacy's performances via youtube..i can't watch it live..she's brilliant...great showmanship..i'm proud of her..seriously, that girl is a STAR!!

oh ya..i nak change my chatbox colour to pink tapi dia x nak tukar..and now i'm stuck with orange..u can see my blog new look is all pink..and then, tetiba ada warna oren..haha..penegasan warna..i'll try to fix it laterla..

the conclusion for my day-i'm happy..

GOOD LUCK STACY!!!!

nak wish good luck to stacy for AJL tonight..
u go girl!!
stacy mesti boleh buat yg the best, meletopsss..
she's a great performer...
me support sa dr jauh okayyy..

our big happy family

mummy@farah nadia

pak ngah izzat, pak long fahmi

aunty hani, daddy eim, sumarni si pembantu rumah@wina, ayah ndi@fendi..

anak paling last..ika the intan payung

mimiey, lia, aunty fina

ni la my family...me and my buddies kitaorg ada buat family tree..ada ayah, ada daddy, ada mummy, ada ibu..ada uncle dgn aunty..hehe..kitaorg mmg gilerr..
saja2 jer buat..merapatkan lagi hubungan..mmg kitaorg panggil ek dgn nama family kitaorg..misalnya panggil fendi-ayah ndi..or panggil eim-daddy..
mesra gitu..
nila semua my geng lepak, geng gosip2..mmg sekepala kitaorg semua..
ada lagi yg x ada ni..
kitaorg ada ustazah khas dan juga pelakon handalan, uncle rem..ada juga suami unty hani, amar..(mereka2 yg tiada dalam gambar)
org kalau first time lepak dgn kitaorg mmg pelik..asal la panggil kawan sendiri daddy la, ayah la, mummy la..haha..tapi itula keunikann kami!!!

SANGAT KEJI...

astaghfirullahalazim!!!
ni la apa yg berlaku dekat surau Akademi Pengajian Islam pagi tadi...
dalam surau yg mulia tu,x tahula manusia mana yg sangat keji boleh letak kepala khinzir dia atas bendera PAS di dalam surau API tu..
kesucian surau tu dh tercemar..
sesungguhnya makhluk2 yg buat kerja2 ni mmg dh melampau..x de otak x boleh fikir ker???
semua benda yg dibuat ada limitnya..

kucing @ cafe kolej

cute kan kucing ni...x ingat dah kucing ni anak kucing betina yg mana satu tapi kitten ni slalu ada berkeliaran kat cafe kolej..yess..mmg ada banyak sgt kucing mencari rezeki kat cafe..syurga makanan dorg..yg pasti, kucing ni pun ala2 model gitu dh posingnya..

a lesson for them..

pleasee understand this..

this evening,i attended a forum meeting with the prospective candidates who will run as the law faculty representative for 2009/2010 term..

there are calon bebas which is my batchmate, bee san and third year azween..but,
what i'm looking foward for today meeting is the 'brave' first year who also contested..

dua budak ni mmg beranila sebab dorg akan berdepan dgn student2 law faculty yg mmg x akan sokong dorg..semua dah dok pakat nak kenakan budak dua org ni habis-habisan..
iyelakan..dh la bertanding diam2 tanpa consult dulu to the whole faculty..main bertanding jer...
mana la org x marah..dh la first year kann..apa jer yg dorg tau pasal fakulti, pasal nak perjuangkan semua hak2 budak2 law..lebih2 lagi bertanding di bawah tiket yg tertakluk kepada pertubuhan tu..(walaupun tukar nama pergerakan, still org tau..x yah berselindung..x guna)

realitinya, mmg my prediction tepat..budak berdua tu mmg kena basuh habis-habisan..baru mula cakap dh menipu..lagila semua bertambah geramm..tau x kalau org bodoh sombong???
mereka berdua mcm tu..x tau apa2 tapi still berlagak mcm tahu..org tanya lain, jawab lain sebab soalan pun x paham...manifesto dorg merepek..what's with the tabung amanah yg fund akan dijaga oleh student sendiri??mana boleh dilaksanakan selagi ada AUKU..absurd betul..makna trustee pun x tahu..sadis betul...

sama2 berjuang mendapatkan A??haha..ni lawak. .baru dpt legal method A x bermakna u dh pandai..masukla second, third year baru rasakannn..ni x, beza rule by law dgn rule of law pun x tahu, apatah kalau nak perjuangkan hak2 student yg lain..basic concept pun x tahu..setakat blajar malaysian legal system,TITAS..x kemana la..mentah lagi..if u nak jd MPP utk fac lain bolehla nak relaks2, but when it;s come to law fac,u mmg kena buktikan yg u boleh carry the responsibilities..kalau x,mmg akan dipersoalkan habis-habisan...

kesimpulannya mmg dorg kena bambu habis-habisan..tapi who cares kann..dh nasihatkan pun still degil..ni la..x pernah rasa susah lagi nak survive kat law fac..selama ni indah2 jer kann..sekarang rasakan bila suara majoriti budak fac bersuara..baru the reality comes out kann..tgk muka budak berdua tu nak nangis dah..malula..terang-terangan org x nak support dorg..haa..tanggung la sendiri..lain kali fikir dulu sebelum ambil apa2 tindakan sebab akhirnya akan memakan diri..tapi,mmg kagumla dgn keberanian dorg menghadapi student2 law yg loud..kalau x cukup brani,mmg dh nangis kat situ jugak..

p/s-ukurla baju di badan sendiri..

really really tired

i'm so tired!!!!
not enough sleep..my whole body arched,i can't think straight..

my bestfriend...

ika, aliah, mimiey

ni la my best friend..kitaorg mmg rapat giler..dalam 2 tahun ni, mmg together je kemana2..hehe..

susah senang tetap ada di sisi satu sama lain..

bermula masa-masa kesibukan..

weekend dh tamat..realiti menjengah kembali..
this week will be a really busy week..
hectic..sibukk..
dgn proposal project paper yg kena dihantar hujung minggu ini..still poundering with a tajuk..help me pleaseeeeeeeee...i'm suffering mindblock and kemalasan yg melampau..
pilihanraya kampus pun akan buka tirai..basically, demam pilihanraya akan bermula..
pilihanraya kampus pun dh mcm pilihanraya sebenar...sometimes, menggerikan jugak..
darah muda dgn smgt yg membuak2 kan..from my experience last year, mmg sesuatu yg menarik..rasa nak gelak pun ada memerhatikan situasi semasa pilihanraya kampus..
perang poster,perang mulut antara yg bertanding...
though how much i'm interested in politics, i have to admit that politics can never be transparent,mesti ada exploitation happen somehow....duniawi kannn..

ptg td,sekali lagi rasa marah dgn org2 yg inconsiderate..
as usual, i'm taking the komuter back to UM..
gosh, ramainya org tadi..selalu x mcm tu punn..org2 cm dh nak tertempek kat pintu komuter tu..bahaya betul..x ada ciri2 keselamatan langsung..
istilah beratur x de dalam kamus org2 yg nak masuk ke dalam train td..
main serbu mcm kambing keluar kandang..
ada sorg atok chinese ni hampir tersungkur bila org tolak2..
malaysian mmg ada masalah manners la rasanya..
so call 'courtesy' yg kononnya dimiliki org malaysia, bila fikir2 balik situasi yg i hadapi tadi,mcm x ada jer..

oh ya, nak congratulate my dad yg dh berjaya dapatkan sijil syariah dari UM..
haha..ironic betul..my dad graduated from DTC before me..
rasa kagum to my dad, dalam usia dia yg dah 50 tahun, sikap ingin blajar dia x pernah padam..
betul la kata2 yg learning is a lifetime process..it's never end..
kekuatan my dad utk blajar is my inspiration to study harder..
dia mula blajar dr bawah bila dia dapat peluang dan x pernah lepaskan peluang yg dia dapat..
he can choose to be a school teacher with only SPM qualifications till he retired but he beg to differ..
my dad got his degree when he's 42 and a master when he turn 45..and he went through the same process as an university student tanpa apa2 keistimewaan..
i can proudly say that man is my father..
ayah, i LOVE u!!!

love or bread ep 8

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5

part 6

part 7

part 8

love or bread ep 7

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5

part 6

part 7

part 8

part 9

part 10

Love or bread ep 6

part 1

part 2

part 3

part 4

part 5

part 6

part 7

part 8

part 9

3 Dads 1 Mum

all pic credit to soompi and cari forum

drama ni mmg sgt best..
sgt klakar yg boleh gelak golek2 kalau tgk..hihi..
drama ini mengisahkan 3 lelaki yg jaga isteri bestfriend dorg yg meninggal sebab accident..
kawan dorg ni mintak tolong dr dorg bertiga untuk dermakan sperm utk dia dgn isteri dia dapat baby..masa the wife tgh preggy, the guy meninggal pulak..
so 3 lelaki ni la yg jaga the wife..
mmg comel la dorg bertiga jaga baby..punyala sayang kat baby tu..
bertuah baby tu dpt 3 ayah yg syg giler dgn dorg..
kalau x de dorg, x taula camner the girl nak hidup..
moments when dorg jaga the baby, mmg priceless...
baby tu mmg ubah hidup dorg bertiga...

great drama..kalau nak release tension, nak gelak golek2..cerita ni mmg paling sesuai..so funny!!!!

bley tgk cerita ni dekat

http://www.mysoju.com/three-dads-one-mom/

Tree, Leaf and Wind

another one.....yay!

Tree

===

The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U. There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her. She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary gal.

I like her. I really like her. Like her innocent, like her frankness. Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years. She watch me chase after gals, and I have make her heart cry for 3 years.

She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody go back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something. I watch her cry for an hour or so.

My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes was filled shocked. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laugh & joke with me like nothing has ever happened. I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.

When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know whose the guy. He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school.

I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her. When I reach home, the heart ache is so strong that I can't stand it. It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. Wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too.

During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"

Leaf

===

During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemon. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness. But after a mth, he got together with another gal.

I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to suspect that this is a one sided love. If he don't like he, why does he treat me so well. It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a gal to ask him right?

Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me. It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompany me for 3 years.

Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me. Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile & didn't ask me to stay. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay

Wind

====

Because I like a gal called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transfer to the new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him.

One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accept the note. The next day, she appeared & pass me a note and left.

Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away

It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree

I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping that she will agree to me my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her door bell. During the moment when she opens the door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.

The Hardest Thing I Had to Say

another one...

It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat him up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together.

I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even through graduation we're always together and of course I thought of it as being friends. But I knew deep inside that I really felt differently. On graduation night even though we had different dates to the prom I wanted to be with him. That night after everybody went home I went to his house and wanted to tell him that I wanted to see him. Well, that night was my big chance and all I did was just sit there with him watching the stars and talking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do. I looked into his eyes and listened to him talk about what his dream was. How he wanted to get married and settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dream and cuddle next to him.

I went home hurting because I didn't tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that I loved him but I was too scared and frightened. I let my feelings go and told myself that someday I would tell him just how I felt. All through college I wanted to tell him but he always had someone with him. After graduation he got a job in New York, I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because I didn't tell him how I felt. But I couldn't let him know now that he was leaving for his big job. So I just kept it to myself and watched him go on the plane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time. I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I felt hurt that I didn't tell him what I had inside my heart.

Well, I got a job as a secretary and then worked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud of what I had accomplished. One day I got a letter with an invitation to a marriage. It was from him, I was happy and sad at the same time. Now I know that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends. I went to the wedding the next month. It was a big occasion. The big church wedding and the reception at the hotel. I met the bride and of course him. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so it wouldn't spoil what should be the happiest day in his life. I tried to have fun that night but it was killing me inside watching him being so happy and me trying to be happy covering up my sadness tears inside of me.

I left New York feeling that I did the right thing. Before I left on the flight, he came running out of nowhere and said his good-byes and how he was very happy to see me. I came home and just tried to forget about what went on in New York. I had to go on with my life. As the years went on, we wrote to each other on what was going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn't written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said: "meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things". I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken-hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn't breathe anymore.

Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn't written for a long time. He cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Finally, we went back to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going and to catch up on old times. But in all of this, I couldn't tell him how I felt about him. In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problem and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn't wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together.

One day he didn't show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that he had died in a car accident going to the airport. And that it took this long till everything was settled. It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn't come that day. Again, I was broken-hearted. I cried that night, cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions why did this happen to a kind guy like him?

I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will. Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he was and how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn't get him happy, as he was that night at their wedding. When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a diary that of his life. I cried as it was given to me. I didn't know what to think. Why was this given to me? I took it and flew back to California. As I flew on the plane I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written.

The diary was started with the day we first met. I read on till I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken-hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times, but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me. Finally, the diary ended when it said, "today I will tell her I love her". It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to finally find out what was really in his heart.

If you love someone, don't wait till tomorrow to tell him/her. Maybe that next day will never come at all..

"I Love You"

some sad story that i've found while browsing the net..
here it goes..

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.
“I can’t”
“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.
“No… I am going to meet a friend…”

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…

Then one day…

Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin…

Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What’s this?
Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me
I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday

After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don’t need it. Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!
I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
“Jin, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.
That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

“One…two… three…” That was how… I started to count the dolls…
“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…” It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls,shocked.

“I….lo..ve…you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
“I love you~”
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…

“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life.

moral of the story-it's better if u express ur love to your loved one before it too late..

a simple" i love u "might sound common or cheap if it was said frequently..
but seriously, it won't do any harm if u just say it rather than u missed the chance to tell the one u loved that how much u care and love her/him..
and when u r gone, u left her/him miserable and regretting for not realising ur love for them..
that would be pathethic and pitiful..

salam takziah

takziah diucapkan kepada nubhan and family atas pemergian ayahandanya ke rahmatullah malam tadi..i've met his father once and from what i've seen, he was such a good guy..seorg lelaki yg baik..
semoga nubhan sekeluarga tabah menghadapi..
setiap yg hidup pasti akan kembali bertemu Penciptanya..


semoga Allahyarham Tuan Haji Ahamad Bin Haji Abdul Rahman ditempatkan di kalangan org org yg beriman dan dicucuri rahmat dari yang Esa..

~al-fatihah~

another tag for lazy me!!!

Peraturan untuk menerima award ini ialah:

1. Copy badge "2008 Cute's 3logger Award" di atas untuk diletakkan di blog anda.
2. Link/ceritakan kembali siapa yang memberikan award ini kepada anda.
3. Setiap blogger mesti menyatakan 10 fakta/hobi diri sendiri sebelum memilih penerima award seterusnya (anda di-tag).
4. Anda perlu memilih 10 penerima award seterusnya dan menyatakan nama mereka di blog anda.
5. Jangan lupa melawat blog kawan anda dan meninggalkan komen yang menyatakan mereka telah di tag

nucy telah tag meeee.....
cAN i reply later??????

x sabar!!!

Namun siapalah aku
Untuk merubah suratan
Bila masanya tiba

Pandanglah aku
Dengan mata hati
Kumasih di sini

cannot wait to hear the full lyric with the song..mcm lagu sedih....
suspen plak rasanya..
i can guess that the song will be beautiful
menanti penuh kesabarannnn

back to uni..

huhu..dh tahun 2009 suda..
new year means new semester ..
new semester mean-alot of work and stressful period..
indicator-i'll hate it as always..
suprisingly, i'm quite ok with it..
i don't have any mood swings and neither of my best buddies had been the object of my anger..
i think things will be just ok and calm for a moment..
u know, new year and new resolution came interchangebly..
my new year resolution?
upgrade my grades, be more organised, be more fillial to my parents, be more hardworking..
duhhh..the list can go on like forever..

though the facts that i'm going crazy over finishing my constitutional law assignment which i gladly send it up to the office yesterday..i'm doing it only in one day and now i'm like a walking zombie who can sleep at anytime and at any moment..just dozzing off..

amazingly, it don't really bothers me..nothing really affecting my insanity and make me go hysterical..thank god for it..hihi..

i'm in the midst of searching for 2 possible topics for the proposal of my projects paper..thus, this indicate that i'll be working closely with my dearie library..
haha..hanging out at the library is not so cool....
i'm thinking of doing on some of media issues but i'm not really sure about it..

and today, i'm attending my elektif luar course for the very first time..
i'm taking "analisa konflik"..and after the first lecture, i really need to 'analisa' whether i'm doing the right thing by taking this course..the lecturer was ok and informative..we're discussing about all sort of conflicts which happen nowdays and i'm in daze...i don't read the newspaper and don't watch the news on tv..pathetic me..
i met some typical budak lelaki yg ada mentaliti budak sekolah in the class who make me pissed off..please people, have some manners..i'm shocked!!

apapun.....
whatever happen, life must go on and we sholud think about the next day..take the bright and possitive side of it..pasti ada hikmahnya..
hopefully things will be ok and i'' be always happy..aminnn

Get well soon!!

hoping for lee hongki from FT island to get well soon..
duhh..the boy is overwork!!!
he almost lost his voice and literally crying and at some point sobbing out of frustation when his voice were in poor condition at their last performance before hospitalized..he looked as if he's in a physical pain..he must be really sad..and also the rest of the boys too..
hongki was always cheerful, active and dorky and seeing him frustated and cry shattered my heart..
2 days after hospitalised, he and the rest of Ft ISLAND performed at their very own concert in Japan..what the heck?the rest of members end up helping him to sing half of the songs . and also jae jin the basist and min hwan the drummer give a heroic act of helping hongki to be the vocalist.literaly, the boys were playing the instrument while at the same time sing.thanx godness the boys always support each other..
they should have holidays..
they work so hard yet they are still very young..
Primadonnas did not want our boy to work hardly without rest..give them a break!!

twilight!!!

thanx to nucy for spreading her love to edward cullen and isabella swan to me..
now i am a fan of twilight..haha
i know i'm a bit ketinggalan zaman sebab baru dpt tgk cerita twilight ni..
finally watching twilight after wanting to watch the movie so badly ..my friend finally give in to all my whining about wanting to watch the movie....ok..berenti buat bising and let's search 4 da Dvd..
lucky me coz one of my fren ada copy of the film..
though there's no english sub when i'm watching it and i nearly turn deaf 4 turning the volume up so that i can actually understand what they're saying in the film..haha..poor me..

goshh..edward is one fine creatures..i don't mind be in bella's shoes if i have a bf like him..hell i'm lucky..haha..so what if he is a vampire??i wouldn't care...
he totally mesmerized me..i'm actually at some point gaping at the sight of him..haha..i'm such a fangirl..haha
i love they way he potrayed his love for bella..those eyes were actually showing his feelings...
and bella is such a cutie though i think that she can put more emotions in her acting..
but being a newcomer, i heart u bella..

and the cullens are so pretty..bunch of really good looking people..haha.. i go gaga over them..those flawless pale skins is the new it skins!!!
the dad looks more like a brother and i love alice..
how she can be sweet and can at the same time twist a vampire head like pulling off a chicken head..haha..cool stuff..

good movie afterall..make more sequels pleaseeeeee